The sickness came over me like I was on a rubber dinghy in the middle of the Atlantic during a storm.
I was hoping things would calm down a bit now the constant appointments were finished, but since we are about halfway through the extension and L has landed herself a new job it's unlikely that's going to happen.
The extension has got to the point where it looks like very little is happening now the actual structure is in place. I've lost interest in picking out flooring and paint as I don't have the headspace for it and I'm feeling like there's too much left to do. Really hope it can be finished by August as we have visitors but it's looking unlikely.
So happy for L – this new job is awesome for her and so well deserved as she totally rocks it at work, but with big jobs comes big responsibility and that means long shifts and lots of stress for her. Here's hoping things settle a little soon at least, before she burns herself out. I need my partner in crime back – I miss her. When I'm at work she is with the kids and when she's at work I'm with the kids. We are like passing ships until the weekends. We didn't eat together for four nights and for us that's pretty much unheard of.
Last week I was being a complete idiot and stressing about not feeling pregnant. Apart from being really zapped of energy I felt fine. I was worried I wasn't pregnant anymore so I tested again. It said I was pregnant. L saw the test and asked why I'd been testing. I told her I didn't feel pregnant. Her response was, "I know you are pregnant simply because you did that, you moron". Ah ok. That's that settled then.
And before I needed further clarification – BOOM – the sickness came over me like I was on a rubber dinghy in the middle of the Atlantic during a storm. Total urksville. Thank goodness – now I feel like utter crap and so happy about it.
I was in charge of the mess at work (basically making the meals for the watch that week) and as I was walking round the supermarket I had watery mouth and wanted to puke. I didn't fancy anything to eat at all. They're lucky they ended up with a meal as I was tempted to just shout them takeout. One shift I had to lie down for a few minutes as I was really queasy and one of the lads brought me a white chocolate magnum. It was amazing and just what I needed. I felt better when I ate. That's a modern day hero!
To add to my moaning my bum is causing me problems. I'm still having to shove those bum bullets up there twice a day as part of the treatment and to make it worse I've only got a ridiculous amount of piles. Pregnancy is far from glamourous. My body is breaking on me! Just when I thought I was feeling pretty crappy as I was I went a stubbed my toe and heard the unmistaking cracking sound of it breaking. There was a lot of swearing, then tears, as the warmth and the pain set in. This was on the afternoon I promised to take the kids to the park. So I strapped it up, popped a couple of paracetamol and soldiered on. Made it to the park and was just about getting by until G wanted me to join her on the see-saw. My cheeks were sore from the fake smile I had on my face. As I pushed up my toe throbbed and as I bounced down I literally had a pain in the bum. I was laughing on the inside really! L found it all quite amusing and so did my friend who I texted at the park. She thought I was so funny. Does she realise I wasn't trying to be humorous and crack a joke – this is my actual life!
We've had our first scan. That was a nearly a seven week scan. Apart from being sickly I haven't given the pregnancy much thought (too busy) but everytime I get a quiet few minutes I have a little smile to myself. The night before the scan I woke up all worried about it and nervous that everything was ok for the recipient too.
On scan day I had to wait for what felt like forever until the afternoon. I wanted to know there is a viable pregnancy going on and see the heart beat. That's all you can see in these early scans. The heartbeat is a little flicker on the screen. There's nothing that looks like an actually baby just a splodge. And after that is all ok (I hope) I'm thinking please let there just be one. Chances of twins are slim as only one embryo was put back in, but you do still wonder. Not that it's the end of the world or anything I just don't know how we would cope. L might actually have to get up in the night. Imagine that?!
Once again I was grateful that we had the distraction of the girls at the scan. I'd packed them loads of snacks. Not the healthy ones. The totally rubbish ones that keep them quiet and happy. I don't think I would cope if they told me that it wasn't ok. But thankfully I didn't need to worry about that. There was a little flickering heartbeat and the size was measuring well 7mm. That's not even a cm! And it has a heartbeat. Nature is so amazing. Blows my mind. Recipient doing awesome too. I left that clinic beaming and all the crappy pregnancy-associated rubbish was out of my mind (for a little while). L was so chuffed everything was ok, but she said she knew it would be. How, I have no idea, but I like it when she says things like that. It makes me feel safe.
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