But it’s totally not too late to appropriate them for your own use.
The Zombies – Time Of The Season
This song is sultry as hell and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The lead singer, Colin Blunstone’s voice just isn’t that deep. It’s easy to imagine it’s a throaty mama crooning ‘What’s your name? Who’s your daddy’ in the first verse, rather than a skinny white guy.
Key Lyrics: It’s the time of the season
When love runs high
And this time, give it to me easy
And let me try with pleasured hands…
The pleasured hands thing is a dead give away. This song was always meant to have been sung by and for lesbians. Also am I the only one who thinks ‘time of the season’ is a 1960s euphemism for time of the month?
You’ve known each other for years, and you’ve had a low-key crush on her since forever. Every time she breaks up with someone, you think you’re going to go for it. You wait the appropriate amount of time. You’re about to shoot your shot when BAM. She’s got a new boyfriend. Again.
Key Lyrics:
She keeps on passing me by.
So mournful. She’s straight. Or not into you. Either way, it’s time to move on.
Every time I see an article pop up about the depressingly low rates of orgasm for heterosexual women (like this one or this one), the message in this song vibrates (teehee) through me. A straight friend of mine from high school once told me that her boyfriend of 2 years never went down on her. I wasn’t even attracted to her, but I still wanted to show her what she was missing.
Key Lyrics: Difficult to choose the key lyrics in this one, but here are some highlights from the first verse:
Take it off, baby, bend over, let me see it
You looking for a real pussy eater? I can be it
Quit playing with me, girl, and bring that over here
And climb aboard my face, put that pussy on my beard
And of course the refrain in the chorus:
What he won’t do, bitch, I will
While we’re on the topic of queer women doing it better, here’s another anthem for ya.
Key lyrics: Bet ya man can’t do it like that (like that?)
He can’t work the middle, cause his thing too little
Bet ya man can’t do it like that (like that?)
I make you scream papa (you the best dada!)
Our fingers are way more dextrous than those pesky pants-fingers that men like to use. Strap-on more your vibe? Have a variety of sizes ready to go. Like a breakfast buffet, but better.
Trey Songz – Mr Steal Your Girl
Could I even make this list without including this song? Do I even need to explain? Sing this song to your crush next time you go to karaoke. Maintain lingering eye contact, and don’t forget to swap out the ‘Mr’ for ‘Ms’. She’ll get the message.
Key lyrics: Next time that he leave you all alone
I’ll give you all the love he denied
I’m about to take his spot
Let your man know that
***MS*** Steal Your Girl is back
This is it. Savour your moment. You literally stole his girl and now you two can laugh at his dumb/dumbfounded face as you ride away into the sunset.
Key Lyrics: I bet he can’t believe, can’t believe I take him girl away from him