I am a lesbian. I am a professional pool player. I am a survivor. Here is my story…
Okay so if you know me you know I’m very much out and emit a neon rainbow which leaves no doubt I’m a lesbian. I’ve also noticed I send a signal that I’m a safe place.
I’m someone you can talk to or ask questions… unless you’re a straight male with a question that starts with “hey can I ask you something?” in which case my answer is “Yes, I’m gay. Yes, I’m sure. No, it’s not because I haven’t been with the right man!”
Those who know me also know I’m involved in the pool community (billiards not swimming). Some know me as a referee, as a tour director, and some know me as a professional competitor. Yes, professional billiards is a real thing and is considered a sport and not just a bar game to pick up chicks. That last part is just an added bonus!
My dad taught me how to shoot pool when I was a kid but it wasn’t until my 20’s when I began competing in pool leagues. I joined my brother’s team and quickly became known as “Tim’s sister”. That title caused some flashbacks to high school but it definitely came with some perks. However, it also came with the stress of living up to the expectation of being able to compete at a higher level.
Playing in leagues put me in pursuit of becoming a professional pool player. I practiced. I did drill after drill. I practiced right handed. I practiced left handed. I made up new drills. I was determined to improve and become better every day.
In 2004 I started competing in the U.S. Amateur preliminary tournament in hopes of making it to the Championship event where the winner gets invited to a professional tournament. I showed improvement each year and it was common for me to place 4th but only the 1st place winner receives the opportunity to move on to the championship tournament.
In 2009 I made my best finish landing in 3rd place. I was excited and proud of myself for finally making it past 4th place. I was eager to hit the slate and practice for the next year.
2010 was going to be my year. All of my hard work and dedication was going to pay off and I was on my way to becoming a professional pool player. I was ready! I received my paperwork for the tournament and promptly returned my entry before the June deadline.
In August the summer pool leagues were winding down for the session. August 30th 2010, league playoffs, will be a night I’ll never forget but also will never remember.
Most of you don’t know this but I have brain damage. I had a head injury the night of playoffs which fractured my skull and left my brain bleeding in 2 places. I remember telling my neurologist “I can’t smell or taste. I don’t know when I’m hungry.
I don’t know when I’m full. I get dizzy if I turn my head too fast. I lose balance sitting down, standing up, walking too fast, or moving my head up and down. I can’t remember most of the last month.
I can’t focus or pay attention for very long.” I also didn’t remember how to play pool and feared my career was over before it began. I even wondered if I would still be attracted to women but I quickly solved that mystery!
I had to start over. I had to learn everything again. I even had to learn a new way to learn – both in life and in pool. The knowledge and experience is hiding under scar tissue in my brain and every day a new road is being built to access that knowledge.
There are orange construction signs everywhere but if I manage to focus long enough the detour signs lead me to success. I can occasionally feel instinct take over and make the game winning shots or decisions that keep me on track toward my professional goal.
It was 2016 when I finally made my professional debut. I wasn’t as good as I used to be but I managed to finish in the money my first event. I’m not sure I’ll ever be as good as I used to be but I keep trying. I keep pushing forward. I’ve played in several professional tournaments and although I haven’t done particularly well, I AM proud of how far I’ve come and who I AM.