It’s About Love
It seems like every random Joe off the street is writing open letters these days. Thanks to the Internet, it’s a lot easier to get up on your soapbox and have your voice heard—especially if you zero in on a controversial topic. Take Heather Barwick, for instance. She recently wrote an open letter to the gay community, saying that same-sex parents are hurting their kids emotionally. She’s a mother of four, a child rights activist and a former gay marriage advocate. And I couldn’t disagree with her more.
Thanks to this blog, I have a platform to share my feelings about her open letter. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I’m a parenting expert or that because I was raised in an “X” type of family, I can therefore claim to know “Y” and “Z.” That wouldn’t be a fair assessment. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what Barwick did.
While Barwick describes her upbringing eloquently, she fails to understand that her situation is unique to her and only her. By her own admission, her father was in her life when she was younger and then he left. Her mother and her partner raised her from there. When any parent leaves, especially when the child is young, there’s going to be some emotional damage. If Barwick’s mother went on to marry another man, Barwick still would have a deep longing for a connection with her father. In my humble opinion, her painful feelings of detachment and emptiness have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that her mother is gay and married another woman. Her emotional pain has everything to do with her father.
Which leads me to my next point. What in the world does same-sex parenting have to do with gay marriage? Barwick says she is against gay marriage now because she doesn’t agree with same-sex parenting. But one thing has absolutely nothing to do with the other. There are plenty of same-sex couples who are happily married and don’t plan on having children. Why infringe upon their rights simply because you don’t agree with same-sex parenting? It doesn’t make any sense.
There have also been plenty of studies conducted on same-sex parenting by now. If you do even the slightest research, you’ll find that children who are raised by same-sex parents are some of the most well-adjusted, happy and productive kids around.
Why? One word—love. Gender isn’t the most important aspect of parenting. Love is. If you have two parents who love, support and care for their kids unconditionally, you have the perfect recipe for parenting. Barwick lost some of that love from her father when she needed it the most. Now, she’s turning her internal anger outward and against the two individuals who loved her the most.
Lastly, if you don’t read this blog on a regular basis, I am a same-sex parent. My wife and I have a daughter. Both of us have been in the picture since she was born. She is loved unconditionally, cared for, well-fed, well-mannered, sweet and completely content. Ask her teachers at school. Ask her doctor. Ask her grandparents. Ask any of our friends, gay or straight. In fact, you can even ask her yourself.
When my daughter grows up, I hope she writes an open letter about me. But I have a feeling by then, open letters won’t be so important anymore.