After this response to a harmless birthday invite went viral, proud lesbian mom Carolyn wrote this with class!
After waking up around 7am on Valentine's day morning I shuffled outside in the brisk cold with my eyes half shut in my old, tasseled bath robe and socks and retrieved my newspaper from my driveway –a pretty "normal" thing to do–right?" I then walked in and poured a cup of coffee, and then fed my wide awake kids and their pet hamster and fish. I'd say another pretty normal thing to do– right? I'm getting to something here–just be patient.
Then around 9am I received a call from my nice neighbor asking me if I heard about the terrible Facebook post about the mother in Baldwin who sent back an invite refusing to attend two gay father's little girl's birthday party. On the returned invite this mother wrote back on that invite that she didn't want to expose her child to their "Lifestyle" and was so sorry their daughter had to grow up with parents that way.
Well, our children have two moms and we are happy to say that we never had this happen to us on Long Island and their Birthday parties were always filled to capacity from their friends and classmates.
However, there are a few children at their school that never attended our children's parties and their parents barely look or speak to my wife and I regardless of how close they are to our kids. These parents pretty much ignore us in the schoolyard or playground, and purposely refrain from any eye contact or friendly small talk we try to initiate. They don't need to say anything–we just know. We also know that with people like these it doesn't matter how wonderful a parent my wife and I are, or however caring and sensitive we are to their children–or even to them–they care not to acknowledge us simply because we are gay.
So, now it's 9pm on Valentine's day and our marathon kids are finally and miraculously fast asleep–hallelujah! My wife and I are pretty exhausted from caring for our little ones who were out sick all week with nasty colds (even the hamster is on antibiotics–no joke.) We also had to unpack the 6 very large suitcases we JUST packed for our planned 8 day trip doing fun snow stuff up at a Catskills dude ranch. We had to cancel last minute because the state troopers declared the roads too dangerous to drive with all the snowstorms in the mountains, and our Minivan isn't exactly equipped for 4 wheeling if you catch my drift. Speaking of drifts, I understand the snow drifts up there can be the size of our house.
The twins are now inconsolable that we cancelled–and so we spent the bulk of the evening trying our absolute best to cheer them up–even promising them the tablet every single day this week –when they only get it on the weekends. Pretty normal family stuff right? OK, just wait for it.
So I tell my wife I have to write something about this anti-gay birthday invite issue. "I just HAVE to honey" I say to her as she rolls her eyes at me and says, "On Valentines Day!? OK –just call me when you're ready and I'll dust off that old bottle of Cabernet on top of the fridge." So, I quickly reply, "I promise I'll be just a minute honey." I knew that was probably a lie.
She certainly had something else in mind–as I did, while I pranced around all sweet and smiley in my wrinkled, red, silk robe I fetched from the bottom of my closet for the occasion (a step up from the usual tasseled bath robe) and ripped my hair thingy out to fluff up the rest of my my unintentional Elvis doo.
Tough visual, I know, but I really didn't look half bad since I was going for the "sexy-disheveled- movie star lounging in the mansion type look"–I was no Kardashian –but I wasn't the Grey Gardens type either!
Anyway, back to fighting for human rights. I begin to write while simultaneously, and quite deftly, chowing down on the chocolates in the frilly, heart shaped box, taking half bites out of each one until I found the winners. My wife will not be too happy with that one–but hey, I got to the box first and besides she'll be one Cabernet glass in and won't even notice. I hope.
Needless to say, after I was finished–(about here and 2 hrs later– hey, fighting for human rights takes time)–I then called for my wife–she's now fast asleep and I'm stuck lying here alone on Valentine's day half asleep with a cabernet stained silk robe, surrounded by empty chocolate wrappers 5,ooo calories deep. I hope I get a rain check–but the half eaten chocolates may cost me. (As you can see, fighting for human rights can also be quite costly indeed!)
*All perfectly normal stuff for a married couple with kids– right? This is my point–gay people are pretty normal and bleed red–really.
(Although we do not suck blood like vampires–well, not any gays that I know of anyway.)
All Kidding aside–human rights are an extremely serious issue. This woman is doing a terrible harm and disservice by not teaching her child love and acceptance in a world that is working very hard towards peace. She is doing far more harm by not letting her child attend this innocent party–and god help this child if he ever turns out to be gay. Teaching intolerance is an extremely dangerous path that can easily lead to discrimination, teasing, bullying, hate crimes and suicides. A child doesn't quite understand "selective" discrimination and will come to believe that they are entitled to treat anyone whom they don't like badly–and continue to grow up in this vain with a distorted view of power and entitlement against those they feel are "lesser" than them.
And how sad if that little girl opened that invite in the mail to read or even hear of such terrible words said about her beautiful, caring family and parents.
I feel bad for both children.
Yes, what The Duck Dynasty crew, Russia and this little house wife on Long Island are doing is indeed leading their followers on a dangerous path in our society. And no, being gay is not for everyone–I am not too interested in living on a commune somewhere in the far east either. But we must accept our differences in each other as long as no harm is being done to others. And gays don't have a "Lifestyle" any different then anyone else–as I had just very personally shared.
Well, to further emphasize this point, our twins are both around the same age as the little girl who's birthday party was on the invite–and just a few weeks ago both our children were individually awarded the "Best Character" award for most "Generous, Kind and Compassionate" children in their grade. Neither one of their teachers knew they voted for the other twin and they both won on their own merits. They are not only sweet and caring, but are also above average students.
I say that is not only normal–but pretty exceptional–and once again defying the belief that gay parents are inferior in any way. We are certainly not the exceptions as The American Academy of Pediatric has officially declared that same-sex parenting has no baring on a child's outcome whatsoever.
We have taught our children from a young age to accept and love all people regardless of their age, color, race, looks or religion. And that people are all born unique and special in their own way and should all be treated exactly the same. They just say, "OK mommy" and that's pretty much it. Now, almost seven years later, so far so good.
I am not sure what that other mother's perception of normal is–but I know what it should be–a home filled with love. I believe that love does conquer all regardless of whose giving it out. Our children are loved and it shows in their wonderful personalities and achievements.
No, we can't convince everyone that gay people or gay parenting are completely "Normal" no matter how many awards our kids will win–but maybe, just maybe, people will take the time to not only listen, but to hear that gay people are indeed just like everybody else. This mother is depriving her child and herself the gift of not only friendship, but of the true meaning of love and acceptance. These are the best gifts a parent could ever give to their child–and to themselves.
*Happy Birthday to the little girl on the invite! You were indeed given the best gift of all by having parents that love you so, so much. Sometimes adults need to learn lessons too–and they can, and do everyday– and maybe one day they'll catch up to your beautiful family and ours too. You ARE definitely the luckiest Birthday girl in the world! Sticks and stones may break your bones, but names can never hurt you–ONLY THEM!
Carolyn Mann 2/14
Massapequa, NY