A Parisian guide on being a lesbian and how to enjoy it.
How to Win Hearts
This is where you need to stand out. Nadia, a lesbian bar regular, says: “Girls can spend hours, days, months even, fantasizing about a girl without ever working up the nerve to go talk to her, whereas a man will more often go right ahead.
He’ll often be shrugged off, but at least, he will have taken a chance.” Because strong social conventions (and often family pressure) dictate that females be gentle and patient, girls aren’t used to taking the first step.
In a heterosexual relationship, it’s often a faux pas. No wonder the art of seduction doesn’t feel “natural” for many girls.
It is not uncommon for a girl to look away when a hot girl sitting nearby glances at her suggestively. Let’s not even mention clumsy come-ons – Nadia has plenty of “horror” stories: “Last time I went to a night club, I got a real circus show.
This girl and I had been looking at each other for an hour when she came up to me, stepped on my foot, briefly apologized but never tried talking to me. Another one grabbed my shoulder with both hands to ask me the time, but again, that was it.
A third one nearly ripped my arm off when she rocked me around the dance floor. I shudder to imagine a night in bed with those girls… It just wasn’t my day.”
Between girls, roles are not divided along traditional gender lines as they would be in a heterosexual relationship, where men are expected to take the first step. Because they less constrained by social perceptions, romantic interactions between girls are potentially more balanced, more flexible and more varied.
On the flip side, it means that many situations, like seduction, lack fixed rules. More often than not, girls tend to fall back on stereotyped attitudes. Isabel says:
“I often hear girls claim that they make their moves differently from guys. But when I ask them to be more specific, they describe stereotypical male moves, like telling a random stranger on the street she’s pretty, or wrapping an arm around a girl without even talking to her beforehand, or even trying to kiss a girl who is clearly uninterested, thinking she will enjoy it.”
It’s a challenge to allow yourself to take the initiative when coming on to someone. It can result in awkward situations like those Nadia and Isabel describe.
But it’s a game that follows social rules, and you can decide to unlearn the rules, as with all social constructs. That’s also why you can learn the art of seduction.
Men do so by unconsciously taking it in from a young age. For us, the process is a more conscious one – fortunately.
3 Steps to Pick Up a Girl
Seduction is a game played in the grey zone between friendly and flirty behaviour, which is why it’s sometimes confusing. Girls Have the Softest Skin offers some tips to get things moving in the right direction.
These are general pointers to help you get started. You can think of them as raw material that can be discussed with friends.
Coming on to someone does not mean lying. It is what you do when you like someone and would like to get know her better.
The trick is to stop worrying that you’re risking it all every time you approach a girl. Here is how to meet a lady at a party in our community.