I will never understand what it is about Lesbians and the need to remain friends with their ex’s.
I can’t talk, I am very close friends with one woman I have previously dated and still talk to another regularly, but still I have to ask myself why? Emotional baggage is messy and being a lesbian is filled with enough drama, why create more?
As a minority society, there is a need to remain civil with the persons with whom we have previously had relations, but to remain best friends or close, I don’t get it. As a part of our tiny little Sapphic City, it is just too messy to end things badly with someone, because everyone will know about it, and you will constantly have your ex in your face whether you like it or not. We all hang out at the same places and talk to the same people, but it is really necessary for us remain besties? Civility is enough.
Let’s say your the ex…
How awkward is it standing there, next to your lost lady love and the upgrade (or downgrade) and knowing that your not wanted? If things ended badly and your standing there pining over the woman that you once had but were stupid enough to let go, everyone can sense that and its awkward for all. Or if your not ‘that ex’ and you have no other romantic emotions but still want to remain friends, I can guarantee you that the new girl, your replacement is uneasy about you still being in her partner’s life and is secretly plotting your untimely demise with a healthy dose of cyanide.
What about the current girlfriend, where is she at mentally? No matter how ok the new girlfriend says she is with the arrangement, I can guarantee that inside she’s insecure and questioning the emotions and motives of the ex and her girlfriend. The daggers and death stares every time someone mentions her name should be enough to let the world know. But short of getting out the Bitch Be Gone Spray, how does one eliminate the mole from her life? Do you go on, being ok with it, trying not to cringe visibly when you see her name flash on your girlfriend’s phone? Or do you say something about it?
And where does the middle woman stand? The ex of the ex and current girlfriend. We are women and I find that we long for friendship, so when we get close to someone, let them in and that relationship breaks up we want to keep that person close for fear of losing the close bonds formed. But is this really productive?
There are a number of ways this can relationship can work, and I think it largely depends upon the attitude of the current girlfriend.
- Open and Ok Approach – This approach involves all parties being open, honest and ok with the current situation (or at least pretending that they are). That is that the three people involved (the ex, the girlfriend and the new girlfriend) interact readily, happily and publicly, with no boundaries and no secrets.
- Need to Know Approach – This is approach comes with the understanding that the girlfriend will being communicating and hanging out with ex but the new girlfriend is on a need to know or censored line of information. Why? Because some bitches are crazy jealous and the girlfriend may think its best to limit one’s knowledge of interaction, or the new girlfriend may say something along the lines of “That’s fine baby, I just don’t need to know.” If she says this, do not be fooled! It is a trap!
- The Dog Approach – This is a terrible way to go about life, but many women do it. Do not lie to your partner and hide the fact that you are still in contact with your ex, because trust me, sooner or later she will find out. Plus, I think you need to ask why you feel the need to lie to the person whom you love about who you are talking to? What are you trying to hide and why? So take my advice and just don’t. Because you will always have that awkward moment when you’re out and you see your ex and you can’t speak to them because their girlfriend doesn’t know that you are still talking to each other and then everyone walks away hurt.
So my advice ladies, keep it civil, but not close, don’t lie, don’t cheat, and don’t keep them around because it’s not helping anyone.