Life can be thrown into chaos when coming out as lesbian and the whole process can be very scary.
Often there is a lot of internal conflict where you can be torn between how your family responds to you (or might respond) and your need to be who you truly are.
The fear around coming out is essentially a fear of rejection based on sexual and or gender identity. Being anxious about losing the love and respect of your family and friends after coming not unusual.
This can cause a great deal of stress and is usually with you again and again when you chose to come out to other people.
A Sydney based coach Shane Warren has said that coming out is not just about that moment where you tell your folks: ‘….hey mom…. dad… guess what….’. Shane suggests that coming out is a “much broader issue involving a journey of personal acceptance followed by ongoing experiences of having to decide to disclose this information to people … on a daily basis”.
Another way of looking at the journey is to consider coming out as a six stage process (Cass 1979). The first is having an awareness and or realising you are different to others; the second is when you start exploring your feelings and comparing yourself to others; the third stage is about tolerance which can mean rebelling and denying your feelings.
The fourth stage is acceptance where you begin to embrace your identity and find a place in the world; the fifth stage is pride where you can become angry at the rest of the world for its negative attitude to and oppression of homosexuality; the sixth stage is syntheses where your identity becomes simply another part of who you are rather than the whole of you.
Coaching can provide vital support and stability as you go though the coming our process that can help keep your life on track. It can also support you to consider carefully who you come out to first and how to handle your fears and your reactions to those around you as you come out to them.
Coaching while coming out in a non-judgmental and heartfelt relationship can provide you with the much needed confidence and sense of self that you can then rely on in the hard times and when dealing with the feelings that coming out can stir up. Coaching can also provide an accepting and positive force in any of the six stages mentioned earlier.
Maybe you want a lesbian coach to feel more comfortable with in the coaching relationship, without that old fear of rejection and the need for another coming out story. However if you do find a straight coach that you like you might find that being accepted by them will help you overcome the fear of being rejected for who you are in other areas of life. Coaching can be by face to face, phone or Skype.