Unfortunately, there are forms of ignorance that many Sapphic Sisters must face on a daily basis.
As a femme that finds nothing sexier that a butch woman in a suit or a wife beater (I’m not fussy), I am out raged at the ignorance of some people and upset that the women that I am attracted too, my partners (past and present) as well as many of my friends are subjected this kind of pain and torment.
“Mum, is that a boy or a girl?”
“Baby, that’s a lesbian.”
“Excuse me Sir? Um… Ma’am?”
“The boys bathroom is next door! Get out!”
“You dress like a man, why don’t you get a sex change?”
Seriously? I mean seriously people!
I think that the lesbian community owes a lot to the butch and androgynous women out there. They are the face of the lesbian community and they are what every straight person thinks of when they think about lesbians (aside from porn of course). Plus most of the time, the only way the wider society can tell I’m gay is by the woman on my arm. I guess this is the downside to being an invisible femme.
I wasn’t sure if it was just me though, I mean if just upsets me to find out that people say such hideous things and I wanted to hear the girls’ stories about their experiences. So I assembled my butch and androgynous expert pannel!
So we have Deisel, Jugs, Darcy, Katie, Cody, Logan and countless women on Facebook. Thanks for your input ladies!
So most of my lovely ladies told me that it doesn’t bother them so much if the questions come from a place of innocence, i.e. from children. I mean who can blame a child for trying to figure out the world? Plus I don’t know about the rest of you, but I kind of like that we’re helping to educate the next generation and broaden their horizons!
But when a child looks at his/her/undecided parent and asks “Mummy, what is that?” and the mother replies “That’s a lesbian” or worse “A freak baby” one cannot help but get their heckles up. Teach your children tolerance for all. You’re daughter might want to wear a wife beater and a tutu. Who cares? A fairy Bob The Builder would more fabulous than regular bob the builder because he could fly! Just like my girlfriend is amazing because she’s a woman AND she can fix things around my house in her wife beater while turning me on just a little in the process.
What about when you walk into the ladies room and are mistaken as man? This is why I like gay clubs! Bring on the unisex toilets! There’s none of this mistaken identity crap. Then again, there are also people doing lines and fucking on the cistern. So which is more awkward? You be the judge.
Many of the women I spoke to told me stories of being asked to leave the ladies room. These responses ranged anywhere from the innocent mistake of a little old lady to being screamed at by teenage girls. My favourite part though, are the responses! The key my lovely ladies is make the best of a bad situation. If you’re confronted by an ignorant arse have some fun with them! Katie’s favourite line is “Want to check the plumbing?” I love this line because it makes people stop and do a double take! What do you say to that? Personally, I’d love to check your plumbing. But I doubt that the ignorant bitch the bathroom would feel the same.
I even spoke to some women who opted to use the mens bathroom because it was just easier for them. If that’s where you’r comfortable ladies, then go for it! But if you want to use the women’s bathroom, then do it.
Though, this isn’t always a bad thing. I mean have to been to your average night club and seen the line into the girls bathroom? I have to sneak into the men’s room. I am quite obviously not a man, with my corseted waist and cleavage. Sometimes I think it would be great to just walk on in like my dick was actually attached to me, and not in my bedside draw.
I don’t believe I need to say this, but physical violence is not ok! If you want to go out and punch someone, don’t punch my woman! One woman I spoke to told me a story about her being king hit! How is this appropriate? Are we animals? I don’t know about you, but the only place I like it a bit rough, is in the bedroom.
Maybe it’s a confirmation bias? Maybe, the wider society view butch women as men because the first thing they see is the dyke spike and the hot as fuck suit? Maybe it comes from this stereotyped idea that a lesbian relationship must comprise of a ‘boi’ and a ‘girl’? Or maybe it’s because we, here in Sapphic City, are so used to the women around us that we don’t care and all we see is a hot as fuck Dapper Gent in her vest and tie?
Wherever it comes from, let me just say that it’s not ok. Ask us questions, be inquisitive, but don’t stare at my girl or my friends like they’re freaks.
I do ask myself though, why many women are ok with being mistaken as men and don’t fight against the snide remarks? Is it that we have simply come to accept out difference or is it that we are just too tired of fighting?
Let me tell you! The butch women, they know what they’re doing! You may look at them like you don’t understand them, but I look at them like they’re sex on a stick. Nothing is more sweet than a true gentle-woman. The kind of girl that opens doors for you or protects you when you’re scared. How many men these days show that kind of chivalry? So to the unhappy wench staring at the butch from across the room, maybe you should date her, because she will treat you better and more like a princess than any man.
And finally ladies and gents out there in Ignorant Land, let me educate you a little more. When you look at a butch woman in fear or uncertainty let me tell you, it’s not the butch woman that you need to be afraid of. It’s the femme on her arm. One wrong look toward her woman and you will cop a stiletto heel to the face. You have been warned. We femmes are a force to be reckoned with when it comes to our partners.
Not me though, I’m a lover not a fighter. But you may have to deal with a dirty look or two.
So ladies, don’t hide! Be proud of your femininity, no matter how you identify, embrace the tie (it comes in handy!) and never ever let another person make you feel like you are any less than the fabulous person that you are!