My girl and I have been apart for a week now and while I miss her, I don’t feel dependant on her or our relationship to find social or intellectual stimulation (sexual stimulation is another story).
We do Skype, it’s a free and easy way to keep in touch, but I have to tell you I am finding traveling alone a kind of test (which we have both passed) for our relationship and my relationship to our relationship.
Let me explain. As fiercely independent and communicative as I am now, I used to be pretty needy and very shut down. I find these days, however, the more open our channel of communications the more alive my relationship to and with my girl is, no matter where in the world either of us are. The reason: therapy.
Psychotherapy with a licensed social worker or psychologist is, as my girlfriend always says, the gift that keeps on giving. If bad old patterns are what underlies bad relationship choices and lack of communication is rampant then how better to break those patterns and learning or honing good communications skills than to work with a professional? Plus, it’s nice to bounce ideas, problems, reasons, etc., off an objective third party.
A lot of people say therapy is “not for them,” or my favorite, “it doesn’t work.” Unless you are a Scientologist, therapy is going to “work” for you. But it’s work you have to do yourself, for yourself and on yourself. The work is only facilitated by a therapist. If you go into a therapeutic situation with an open mind, things will slowly shift and then you will see larger changes in your life, particularly in making intelligent and safe relationship romantic and sexual choices, but really in all areas of your life.
A lot of the comments on this blog are about lack of communication between partners, including lack of sex, in the commenters’ relationships. It’s really the same thing. If you’re not having sex and you want to, you’re not communicating very well with your partner. I truly believe a professional therapist is worth her (or his) fee in gold for anyone having “issues” about really anything, but particularly intimate relationships.
Back to me and my girl. We stay in touch via email, Skype, Facebook, postcards, and are finding new ways to communicate. Not just because we are approximately 2983 miles apart, but also because we want our relationship to flourish both when we are together and when we are apart.