Everyone has at least one bad habit.
Researching the top 6 personal bad habits, this is what I came across:
1. Complaining.
2. Addictions – be it smoking, food, alcohol, drugs, shopping. You get the idea.
3. Blaming others instead of taking responsibility.
4. Always apologizing – saying sorry before you speak or before you do something.
5. Interrupting people mid-sentence.
6. Nail biting.
Nodding your head at any of those?
Another place bad habits can show up is in relationships. The following 6 bad habits in relationships have been reported on many occasions to be the reason for couples breaking up.
1. Your partner’s behavior. Does it drive you nuts when your honey leaves the dirty dishes in the sink? What about toothpaste etiquette or dirty laundry.
2. Waiting for your partner to initiate affection and intimacy.
3. Taking your partner for granted and not appreciating them.
4. Being on devices all the time instead of being present with your honey.
5. Criticizing or being negative towards your partner, their work or family.
6. Not talking about the things that are bothering you. You would rather bottle it up than air it with your partner.
Any of those resonate with you? You wouldn’t be on your own – I can say yes to ALL of those. How about you?
Seriously, I can say yes to all of those.
Let me take you back 12 years ago. I was in the early days of a new relationship with my girlfriend. I was addicted to partying, smoking and drinking. I didn’t take responsibility for my life and making decisions. I just didn’t make them. I WAS that person that would moan, complain and gossip in the office with my colleagues. People would go out of their way to not be around me. That was me. I had MANY personal bad habits and even more bad habits in relationships. I was pretty rubbish at being in a relationship, to be honest. I hated conflict so when there was tension, I would bury my head in the sand. I was the ONE with the behavior traits driving my honey nuts. I had no idea about positive thinking or any of that stuff – I was always criticizing or negative about what was going on.
So what happened?
Well, I realized I needed to be different. To be in a loving and connected relationship. To be around people. And to be comfortable with myself. Something needed to change.
Let me talk you through the 3 step-method I used to break all of those bad habits.
Step 1.
Identify what your bad habits are. List them all. Personal, relationship-based, social ones, work ones. Write them all down. Then pick ONE. Only one.
Step 2.
What are the triggers to you doing that bad habit? What makes you step into that habit? List all the situations, people and so on.
Step 3.
This is where the magic lies… Tune into what is really going on when you are triggered. WHY are you triggered? Journal on that.
Let me give you an example. Let’s take ‘waiting for your partner to initiate affection’. Why do you do that? Is it because you don’t want to feel rejected or unloved? Is it because you believe they would initiate affection if they loved you? Identify what is going on underneath that.
Get to the core of the reason you are triggered and understand it. Is this a pattern in your life? Where else does it show up in your life? Where does this originate in your past? When you understand WHY you are triggered, it will set you free. I don’t say this lightly. I know because I have taken myself through ALL of the 12 bad habits I talked about earlier and broken through them. Now, I take my clients through the same process – with bad habits, wonky beliefs and old conditioning. I’ve witnessed huge transformations for them – in how they show up personally, in their relationships and at work.
Begin by making a difference with one. Take ONE bad habit and go through this process. See it through to step 3 and I can promise you, will have a breakthrough. You won’t need to deal with the triggers, you won’t need to replace behaviors or look at practicing for 28 days (it takes 28 days to break a habit).
When you get to the root cause, it will disintegrate before your eyes.