My Road Rage!
Well it is time to write another funny blog.
And blog damnit, I always wait til like two days before and then feel rushed to write something funny. Let’s see what do I think is funny?
Here is something funny…I am going to the Monster Truck Jam tonight. OMG what is wrong with me? What kind of lesbian am I? That is such a straight, redneck, and male thing to do! Yet when I watch it on TV I love it. I love seeing the trucks fly around that demolition course and crash into things on purpose. It is so anti rules of the road, so I am all for it. I like the noise of a loud engine and I like the smell of gas. It is such a waste of energy I know. I am ashamed, yet proud I am admitting it. I used to be a speed demon in my 1973 Chevy Belair with a v8 engine, my 1976 Mercury Cougar and my 1980 Eldorado Cadillac. I learned to drive on my Dad’s 1974 Jaguar XKE with a v12 engine at the age of 14, so speed has always been a thrill for me. I used to get so many speeding tickets in Rhode Island that when I went to the DMV to pay for them, I had my own parking spot.
I definitely had road rage when I was living in LA. I once got in a heated fight, with a man in a truck, at a four way stop sign and neither one of us would give way. I flipped him off and he turned around and chased me. Well, I slammed it into park and we went toe toe. He was telling me “Come on bitch, hit me. I will knock your head off!” I stood my ground and said, “You hit me first.” Instead he yelled in my face and told me to go home to my dyke girlfriend and shove a dildo up my ass. I don’t know what made him assume I was gay, but I told him that at least my dildo was bigger than anything he was packing. When I told my girlfriend this story she insisted that I go to anger management classes immediately. So I signed up, but found out that the class was all the way in Pasadena at 5:30 PM. So getting to class, in rush hour traffic, was hellacious. By the time I got there and found a place to park and the right room, I was ten minutes late. And wouldn’t you know because I was late, the counselor would not let me in. What?! She wouldn’t let me in. Are you kidding me? I was furious!! How is this helping?
I have since learned to control my anger through other spiritual practices. Meditation, exercise and I think Monster Trucks may just be one of them as well. Tonight I will be allowed to yell and scream and be awed at other people’s good and very bad driving. Drivers start your engines.
Poppy will be with her Queer Queens of Qomedy on March 22nd at Magooby’s Joke House Baltimore MD and April 10th Camp Rehoboth Delaware